JAS Recipe Exchange

Sloanasaurus submitted a clever recipe for Play Dough last week. In the interest of being neighborly, I offer two in return:

Recipe for Disaster:

For best results, start with a weakened base. If only a strong base is available, start by whipping into a frenzy with a pinch of a Scalia-Thomas-clone promises and a toss of tax cuts.

Once the base has been whipped into froth, add overspending gradually, cup by cup, until oceanic proportions are achieved. The base should now be somewhat weakened, but continue to add spending regularly to taste.

Add one Supreme Court nominee with a meatless court record, enough to appease the base, allowing it to simmer, while stirring in a few billion cups of hurricane spending. This should bring the debased base to a boil.

While base is boiling, taste. If the base is weak enough, add an entirely unknown candidate for Supreme Court. Put the lid on, allowing the meat and vegetables in the base to bruise, um, tenderize, each other. When the lid blows off, it will be a simple job to mash. A DNC brand meatgrinder is recommended.

What a Stew!



Recipe for Clutter:

Chose a small room inside the house to paint.

Gently mix paint, while folding the entire contents of small room into the rest of the house, whipping such contents until they consume the entire square footage of the remaining house. These items must never again be placed in their original room.

Before painting, prepare the room, and spread all preparation and painting tools into whatever crevices are left within the entire house’s interior.

Paint. Make room smaller.

Icing:

Allow your “carpenter” tenant to power-wash your house, leaving graffiti-like marks across your cedar siding. Let dry while reviewing your tenant’s lease for loopholes. After ten days of your neighbors’ glaring, the siding will have heated to a sufficient temperature to allow the moisture to escape fully.

Break out all the tools and equipment to repair the damage, cluttering the entire garage and home entryway. While working, bring all stain and equipment indoors to keep warm. These items will need to be squeezed into remaining crevices, if any, left from previous small room paint job.

Blissfully stain the siding outdoors. Become one with the outdoors. Because there’s no room in the in.