Confession Time
I have done my best to avoid dragging personal issues into this blog, but I can no longer be silent! I must speak the truth.
I am the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby.
There. It's out. I'm glad I said it. Of course, there are others who claim paternity of my lovely little child, but they are no more than pretenders. Now, I don't doubt that they may have had their moment with my little Annan (my pet name for her, short for Anna N, in deference to her deep respect for the United Nations and her [platonic] love for the former Secretary General), and it breaks my heart to admit that she wasn't always faithful to me. Yet, she assured me that I was the father, and that I should fight any and all claims otherwise.
Of course, I do this only for the child's benefit. He, sorry, she deserves the best, and as the true biological father, I am in the perfect position to raise her as Annan and I discussed before her tragic death. Annan made me promise her that if anything were to happen to her, I'd step up and take full responsibility for the product of our passion, and I intend to do so.
One of her major concerns was how to ensure that Dannielynn didn't get spoiled, given the inheritance that she is to receive. I suggested that she consider a twist of the "Bill Gates Plan", where Danni would receive a nice sum of money, but not too much, perhaps $2-3 Million. The rest, rather than going to charity, should instead go to a trustworthy individual who would live life to the fullest around Danni ensuring that she was raised in a style that Annan would do herself. At my suggestion, her smile lit up and she said "Would you do it?" I resisted, but as in most things with her, I quickly succumbed to her request.
I therefore am coming forward, with the full cooperation of my wife ("Of course we'll accept her into our home as one of ours - it's a CHILD we're talking about here" was the first thing out of her mouth when I broke the news to her) to fulfill my promise to Annan and Danni. Let no man stand in my way!
I am the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby.
There. It's out. I'm glad I said it. Of course, there are others who claim paternity of my lovely little child, but they are no more than pretenders. Now, I don't doubt that they may have had their moment with my little Annan (my pet name for her, short for Anna N, in deference to her deep respect for the United Nations and her [platonic] love for the former Secretary General), and it breaks my heart to admit that she wasn't always faithful to me. Yet, she assured me that I was the father, and that I should fight any and all claims otherwise.
Of course, I do this only for the child's benefit. He, sorry, she deserves the best, and as the true biological father, I am in the perfect position to raise her as Annan and I discussed before her tragic death. Annan made me promise her that if anything were to happen to her, I'd step up and take full responsibility for the product of our passion, and I intend to do so.
One of her major concerns was how to ensure that Dannielynn didn't get spoiled, given the inheritance that she is to receive. I suggested that she consider a twist of the "Bill Gates Plan", where Danni would receive a nice sum of money, but not too much, perhaps $2-3 Million. The rest, rather than going to charity, should instead go to a trustworthy individual who would live life to the fullest around Danni ensuring that she was raised in a style that Annan would do herself. At my suggestion, her smile lit up and she said "Would you do it?" I resisted, but as in most things with her, I quickly succumbed to her request.
I therefore am coming forward, with the full cooperation of my wife ("Of course we'll accept her into our home as one of ours - it's a CHILD we're talking about here" was the first thing out of her mouth when I broke the news to her) to fulfill my promise to Annan and Danni. Let no man stand in my way!
posted by festivus | 2/12/2007 03:48:00 PM
Very convincing, Festivus. Almost. But, you see, I know who the father of A.N.S.'s baby is. That is because I am the mother of A.N.S.'s baby. Yes, it must all come out now. The death was staged for insurance purposes. If you think about it, you must admit that you have never seen A.N.S. and me together. Have you? Exactly. And the father is . . . the Prince. I think. Yes, the Prince would definitely be coolest. It's all coming back to me now.
That was you? Wow! (and since this is a family blog, that's all I'll say)
Another Pretender. A.N. Stebbing, can you please set the record straight?
No, definitely not my type. Now, this . . . Say, that does look like you, Festivus!
Don't get your hopes up. I hear he likes older women.
That's okay. Sounds like he may possibly sleep around. Don't need that!
Which is a sadder commentary, this thread, or that our idea of a good time is attending debates?
I like my tame little scribbling life, though Dutchess de Stebbing, Vinemistress of Greenland would be good too.
Likely this thread, but it's just satirical social commentary. I'm constantly amazed by the actions of the "rich and famous" and the depths to which greed takes people.
Good Point Scribbler. It would definately be a lot cooler to be the child of the prince then the other two guys who are almost worthless.
Maybe the Court needs to keep that in mind....
Ew. Not THAT "Prince." I'm still amazed that he claims to like women, and even more amazed that women appear to like him.
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