Why I would love to be a Senator.

Senator Pencil: Judge Alito, is it not true that you were kicked out of Harvard for paying another student to take a Spanish test for you?

Alito: No Senator, that is not true. I went to Princeton, not Harvard, and was never disciplined for anything, much less kicked out for cheating.

Senator Pencil: Oh, I'm sorry. I must have confused you for someone else. But Judge Alito, isn't it true that you graduated at the bottom of your class from UVA law school.

Alito: No Senator, that is not true. I went to Yale and did quite well academically.

Senator Pencil: Oh, I'm sorry. I must have confused you for someone else again. So Judge Alito, is it not true that as a law student you were arrested by a highway patrolman while cowering in the back seat of your car, pretending not to be the driver.

Alito: No Senator, again that is not true.

Senator Pencil: Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I keep confusing you with someone else. So Judge Alito, is it not true that you once drove off a bridge, thereby drowning a young woman in your passenger seat and that instead of calling the police you instead spent the night discussing legal strategies with your family's advisers while she sat dead in the car only to be discovered in the morning by someone else?

Alito: No Senator, I have never driven off a bridge.

Senator Pencil. Oh, I am so sorry again. I seem to keep making mistakes. Oh well. So Judge Alito, is it not true that between 2001 and 2006 you accepted $7,684,423 in “donations” from special interests who perhaps wanted the law tweaked in their favour. That included $28,000 from defence contractors, $42,200 from drug firms and a whopping $745,373 from lawyers and law firms.

Alito: No Senator, I think again you must be thinking of someone else.

Senator Pencil: No further questions. And Chairman Spector, could you please call the custodial staff for a cleanup? Someone's head seems to have exploded over there.

(Hat tip: Powerline).